Who do you admire?

We all have been asked this question..."Who do you admire?" Or how about this one, " If you could spend the day with one person and totally pick their brain, who would it be?" I have always been a huge fan of inspirational speakers and writers that embrace that great sense of passion and insight about life and their story or "contribution" to it. I am really a big dork at heart, considering how many conferences I attend a year. Probably because I wish I embraced the gift of public speaking...but I don't. The best quality about these people are how freaking humble they are about their awesome skills and presence. I have two people that just hit that part of me and it is almost as if their soul is speaking to mine. I have mentioned one of them before, the Christina author, Margaret Feinberg, but my ultimate hero is the well renowned eating disorder therapist, author, and speaker Carolyn Costin.

I have seen Carolyn talk at huge symposiums and conferences for years. Her beliefs about therapy and eating disorder treatment are completely parallel to the way I imagine myself in private practice one day. She is a total balance of life's energies. I believe therapy should be a holistic journey. For you new age people, this is kind of like "mind, body soul" stuff. Each life energy is just as important as the next...spirituality, health and nutrition, exercise, unconscious motivation and dreams, freedom, direction, honest self-acceptance, art, a connection to nature, and purpose are all apart of this humanistic work. This is why I am soooo about Carolyn Costin, not only does she live out her therapy to others this way, but also she is a living example of recovery. Totally an inspiration.

The reason why I am going off about her is this: I actually got to meet her today in Dallas at a conference and converse. Let's just say that she is usually surrounded by people at the big national and international meetings so to have a one on one conversation with her is impossible. She is like the Freud of psychoanalysis to the eating disorder paradigm for me. One of my wildest dreams would be for her to be my mentor. I have never been an open slate to anyone, but I would totally absorb everything she had to offer and try to replicate it! This is how much I admire this woman.

So I think I have expressed my point and you can probably imagine how star struck and nervous I was to talk to her today. After today I have decided to set up a meeting with her in Malibu, California. I know I know. This is totally far fetched, but why not. I am considering moving to Austin, why not see what else is out there. She is taking on interns and has just opened a new residential treatment facility. I really believe that there is a reason why God has kept me so mobile. I have no job that I must go back to, I'm a substitute teacher and a writer for goodness sake, I'm as single as they come, I don't have a dog or a plant for that matter, I am ready to sell most of my furniture, and I am ready for my three year change. I have noticed that every three years I get antsy! I am ready to move on to the next stage in life.

I don't know what God really wants me to do, so all I can to for now is open my eyes and pray ALOT! Oh, I also need to be willing to do what God wants me to do and not what I think I should do. That is what I am having trouble with, listening to His voice and not my own. All I can say is whatever is supposed to happen will happen.

Miracle Baby Coy

I felt convicted to write about a little person that has been on the minds and hearts of many people over the past 2 months. My dear friend, Ann Marie and her husband Chris had an unexpected delivery of their baby, Coy, this past December. He was born at 23 weeks. Over the course of two and a half months, Coy's entire family have been on a roller coaster ride. To experience this story for yourself, go to www.prayforcoy.blogger.com. You can easily find it on my page as well. Coy's journey is an absolute inspiration and miracle to witness.

My own faith in Christ has been strengthened, not because of the ultimate progress that Coy has experienced (it has been a huge battle and rollercoaster ride for the family, which I am incapable of imaging what each day is like) but for the living proof that the Lord is real. He totally works through people and can change hearts. If it wasn't for this truth in our human world, we would be in big trouble. Let me take time to thank all of those faithful servants of Christ who have continued to spread Him all over the world. For those like myself who maybe fell off the bandwagon for ten years or maybe have not decided to get serious about their need for the Lord, just thank God for the work He does through others. I can completely relate to the parable of the lost sheep, but Christ will not let you stray forever.

Anyway, I am getting off topic. What I am trying to say is that God has used baby Coy, and his mom and dad to witness to hundreds and hundreds of people the need for faith in Christ. They keep a daily update about everything that happened that day, good, bad, and everything in between. The story is full of honesty and that is the Lord's purpose. To keep an honest relationship with us.

Now listen to this: There are people as far as Australia who check in on Coy to pray for him just through an online Christian network. Now this is pretty amazing! This family has a huge support system, but let me tell ya, half of their posts come from people who have never met them before, EVER...and are praying because the Lord has put this child on their heart. I know I have become a stronger Christian just by logging in everyday, so I'm sure others have too. What is even greater than this is the possibility that some may have come to know Christ through this story.

Ok, so I will stop preaching, but this post was long over due. I can't wait till I get to meet Coy in person...it is unbelievable what God has already used him for before his first birthday!

Quick to Please

Have you ever had a time when the same idea or thought seems to be following you? In every book you read it is there. In church on Sunday morning it is talked about. It pops up in a daily Bible verse or through the mouth of a friend. Just to give you an idea about the stalker thought I have been having all week, I will start with this verse from Galatians 1:10: " Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

So there you have it. How many times have I fallen into the impresser role or the people pleasing trap, um lets try for over twenty years! Ok, ok so yes we are all human and want people to like us, but when does it start to get in the way of being the person God wants you to be? It is impossible to experience what God wants for us if we are too caught up in the world or ourselves or others opinions of us. Sometimes when we are afraid to rock the boat or ruffle a feather, we become trapped in the world and loose focus of who we really are. One of the most exciting things that come from walking closer to the Lord is a loss of fear. With that loss comes the gain of freedom...freedom to not be afraid of yourself or God's plan for you.

Now lets get to the point. I wonder what would happen if I spent as much time pleasing the Lord as I do to please others. Would I lose friends? I hope not, but maybe. Would I loose all the great compliments and the role of being favorite amongst others? Um I'm pretty sure. Would I lose labels that I have lived my life by? Some of them, yes. Why is it so hard to give these things up? Well, because as humans we are wired to be externally focused. That is how God changes hearts though. The external focus starts to die once the internal focus sets in. It has always been said that you have to let go of certain things in order to make room for others. Of course the natural tendency is the think we can have it all. I'll admit it...I can be pretty dang greedy, but I know you can not have both worlds. Yes, there is always that degree of balance, but we still have to be honest with ourselves.

I continually test the waters with this idea of balance, but God continues to work on my heart. Guilt that comes from being "Christian" is nothing compared to the guilt that came from being a "good person" but not a follower of Jesus. That old guilt was deadly. It was enough to change an image in the mirror, make you question who you are, live a self-defeating life style, and find comfort in being uncomfortable. Now I realize, if I'm not walking with the Lord, who I'm really walking with. I know that seems like a harsh statement, but it is probably the easiest trap to fall into. What many people do not understand is that walking with the Lord does not mean you have to be perfect, but what it does mean is that you now accept how imperfect you are and loose foolish pride.

When will we stop trying to be our own god and realize that we already have one?

Life Lately

I just have to share what God has been up to in my world lately. It has been said that we all go through seasons of change and growth. Sometimes we feel like we are going a hundred miles an hour, we feel closer to God, we have some kind of proactive energy just flowing through our veins. This phenomenon has been called flow. Just to give you a definition, it is the mental state in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing, characterized by a feeling of energized focus. Then there are the times when we feel like we have been in a constant state of hibernation, as if we were meant to be a bear. During these times we kind of put God on the back burner, we put our personality on hold, we rest, and basically we feel stagnate. If life were a movie this is the part we fast forward or wonder why the writers didn't edit it out. Obviously we have to go through these times in our lives, but I am happy to say right now is not one of those times for me. I'll admit I have had many hibernation days in the past, and have surrendered to the "grad student cave."

Now I am in the middle of a transition from school to the "real world," and as much as I hate to admit it, I don't consider myself to be that great at life's transitional stages, yet I crave change. This must be that gemini confusion I live with everyday. Like I stated in a previous post, I am all for doing and living right now. I just finished a book that many people have heard of called, "Eat Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert (thank you Stephanie). Actually let me back up. A few weeks ago I got a call from my dear friend of many years, Steph. She said that she was reading this book and kept thinking of me so she had to tell me about it. Well with a recommendation like that I was on Amazon that night. Lets just say that Steph's predictions were right...I loved Gilbert's writing style! For those of you who aren't familiar with the book, it is about a women who took a trip to Italy, India, and Indonesia to find herself and write a book about it at the same time. Totally my kind of person!

In the two weeks it took me to order the book, buy it, and read it I have taken action. I am excited to say that my trip to Spain, France, and Denmark is now booked. My sister and I will be going on an inspirational journey and later we will do some songwriting in Aarhus, Denmark with some of her cowriters. I can't wait to write about that.

Now last week I took a spur of the moment trip to Austin for a publishing workshop. I have been working on my children's chapter book for the past two years and it is finally coming to a publishing point. After that three hour workshop last Saturday, I have officially decided to self-publish and market my project which has been so dear to my heart. I'm sure the fact that I am such a control freak and I consider this book like a child to me, probably has something to do with my need to self-publish. Ok, ok there is also the fact that I don't want to have to go through the ups and downs and the time it takes a major publishing house to scrutinize my work under the millions of book proposals they receive each year. So to get to the point, expect the Iggy the Iguana website to be up in the next few weeks and the book to be out this summer. I can not even explain how excited I am to start working on the website.

Now its time to get serious. These materialistic things are nothing compared to the ride I have been on with God over the past few weeks. I can't say it enough, but I have never felt so like myself since I have become a true Christ follower. I promise to have that story up very soon. Actually, Easter Sunday to be specific. A year ago on Easter Sunday an event in my life made me realized my life was about to change for God and for good. For people who have accepted that calling, they know exactly what I am talking about. When God starts calling you, you best go and figure out what He has got to say. Now, over the past few months I have felt like I have been in a new, wonderful relationship, like I have a new best friend. God is just so amazing. Because of Jesus, we all get to be imperfect. I never really grasped this concept until very recently. God wants us to get to know Him.

So those are the major things that are going on in my world, not to mention one of the most important...my NCE licensing exam which is approaching very soon. That should be the main focus of my life, yet I have found many other things to fill up any air of space. After that test, I will be on the path of possibly moving to Austin and starting my career as an eating disorder counselor. I obviously can't do just one thing. A famous philosopher once said, "Know much not many," but I want it to try it all; maybe I will learn to settle down with age. I am still trying to figure out who quoted this back in the days of Ceasar. If someone knows, let me know. I just believe if we have the capability to answer the "WHAT IF" questions, we should go for it and do it all. I know I don't want to look back and wish I would have tried.

I am hoping I didn't sound too scatter brained. If so, well welcome to the inside of my head, ALL THE TIME! I can't turn it off, even if I try. Next mission, to truly learn how to meditate. Thanks to the middle section of Gilbert's book, Indonesia, I think I am going to give meditation another go around. I gave up way to quickly the first time I tried.

What is Lent all about Anyway?

Born and raised Catholic for many years, as a tradition I have been urged to recognize Lent and give up something. I must admit that I used to look forward to the "giving up something" for selfish reasons. It wasn't until recently I started to maturely understand the spiritual significance behind observing and participating in Lent.

Let me begin with an explanation given by Dr. Marcus Borg in his book "Taking Jesus Seriously"... We all know that the 40 days of Lent is about the death and resurrection of Jesus, but how can we truly participate in this symbolic journey? As Borg puts it, "this means dying to an old identity—the identity conferred by culture, by tradition, by parents, and being born into a new identity—an identity centered in the Spirit of God. It may mean for some of us that we need to die to specific things in our lives—maybe a behavior that has become destructive; a relationship that has ended; unresolved grief; a job that no longer nourishes us; or maybe we need to die to a deadness in our lives."

Hmm, no wonder we as a body of Christ need a 40 day spiritual cleanse. It is probably a good idea to let old ways and habits become recognized and die off.

I never realized how easy it is to let simple habits become almost idolatry. That's what addictions really are, right? Good thing we have a Savior to forgive us of this, but that doesn't mean we should ignore the worldly things that get in our way of becoming closer to God. It is nice that this cleansing time comes right after the new year. Resolutions never stick when we do them for ourselves, but when God is involved we can do much more.

This year for Lent I want to focus on God instead of myself. Whenever we give up something for lent, it is not meant to exercise our self-control or willpower, but really it is used as a tool to lead us to Jesus. When we hunger for what ever it is that we can't have, that internal sensation should actually be used as a reminder that we must feed ourselves spiritually. God can't wait until our craving strikes, because it means we need Him.

It is so easy to become puppets to worldly traditions, even religious ones. And I only use these words because I have been a victim to it myself. God wants us to get to know Him. He wants us to question our habitual lives. Even in the middle of life going a hundred miles an hour, we still feel like we are standing still. Spiritual Stagnation is such a heavy feeling. I usually find other vices to get me through. How often do I use things for the wrong reason? Very. For example, working out should be a good thing right? Well, not when I use it to procrastinate from everything else I should be doing.

So it is time to get to know Jesus better in these Lenten Days. What does He want to show me? I'm sure it has something to do with letting go of old ways, myself, my control. We'll see. Each day He amazes me even more. I will end with my favorite Proverb that I wish was the mantra of my life.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." Proverbs 3:5-6
Any control freak would grow to love that verse!

The Habit of the Word

I'm starting to understand why it is so important to be in God's word on a daily basis. As humans we ponder, we question, and we always second guess. It is called insecurity, and we will always have it! We just wish someone would tell us what to do, often because we don't trust our own judgment. God does speak to us, and He has literally given us a tool to use to help guide us through our lives. Yes, I am talking about the Bible. I can hear people say, but wasn't the Bible written by man, doesn't it have bias and flaws? My answer to that is, well can you come up with anything better?

Before I started truly walking with the Lord, (and I use the word truly, because I have always considered myself a Christian, I probably asked Jesus into my heart over a hundred times while in private school and at CCE church school) but I never knew what it meant to walk with the Lord and truly accept Him as my savior. I will admit I went through many ups and down with my faith, which has lead me to where I am today. Oh, p.s. for anyone in the position of question, may I offer the book that totally changed my view and helped me become a stronger Christina...The Case For Faith by Lee Strobel. Back to the point, the Bible is the closest thing that we as imperfect humans have to guide us to become the people that God has intended us to be. Don't you get it! He has an amazing plan. I'll admit, sometimes I will do my daily Bible study reading for only five minutes in the morning, but it is a habit that has to be created.

Now I would be a complete hypocrite if I started praising my own spiritual habits. They are no where where I would like them to be. But how many habits take up our time on a daily basis? How many of those habits are truly unproductive? How many of those habits are blocking the creative energy and force that flows through us from God. I question all the time if I am doing everything I could possibly do to be the person I am meant to be. I know the answer to that, and it is NO. Why are we so afraid of our potential? Why do so many people sell themselves short? It maybe self hatred, it may be fear, insecurity, guilt, and the list goes on and on. When we block ourselves from our own potential, we block ourselves from God's plan.

Lately I have gone off on a bender, asking myself in this transitional stage of my life, where do I go from here? Now before anyone worries, yes I have a plan, I have inherited the continual phrase in my brain, "you should always have a plan" from my dad, but I'm talking more about all the possibilities in this world and where God wants me to be. Now I have never had a problem with settling or selling myself short, and I'm sure there is some type of narcisistic tendency embedded in that notion. But I do know I am ready to do a freaking lot of stuff right now. While I was in graduate school, I had the constant feeling of "stay put" and a sense of stagnation hovering over me. I am not complaining, I am so glad I got to experience everything I have experienced over the past two and a half years. It makes me happy to know that I am more of myself than before!!!! Ha, whatever that means. But you basically have a relationship with your brain and anyone else who is doing the same thing as you. I'm sure any of my grad friends can vouch for me when I say, you have a relationship with hardbacks. Don't expect to meet the man of your dreams while in grad school. Thank goodness I did it now and not later!

So I am definitely looking forward to what's to come. I want to start giving the spontaneous part of my personality a go. Yes, I have a spontaneous part and a completely rigid part that is obsessed with writing things down and crossing them off. Thank you for teaching me that little obsession, mother! But as for the spontaneous part, I think during these next few months before I start my new career, I will not only open myself up to God's plan but try on new things in my life. God has so much to show us when we take ourselves out of our comfort zones. So if anyone has any ideas, just let me know. I have got a list, of course. First things first, I will be starting my hip hop dance class this Wednesday with my dear friend, D.C. I know it is not helping the world, but it is my first random adventure.

Wow, I have really gone off topic. See what talking about the Bible can lead us to at times. So, for the three people who read my blog, I will keep you updated, as if you don't already know my crazy plans!