Perceptions

”TRUST IN YOURSELF. YOUR PERCPTIONS ARE OFTEN FAR MORE ACCURATE THAN YOU ARE WILLING TO BELIEVE!”
CLAUDIA BLACK

I know I have posted this quote before, but I think it needs to be put back up. This seems to be the problem that most of the people I know, including myself are afraid to tackle. How often do we really know the answers to our own questions deep down inside, yet we choose to reject them? It seems so much easier to detach from this internal nature of our own, but really isn't it harder to fight it? I'm not saying we are in control of our lives, it is all already planned out, but I think God gives us many clues that we choose to ignore.

“There are the risks you cannot afford to take, and there is the risk you cannot afford not to take!” Peter Drucker

Trust God

I received a forward from my mom this morning and the basic message was this:

Many times we wonder why God would let us go through difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

I have to keep reminding myself this on a daily basis. I am such a questioning and impatient person but God knows what He is doing. It may take a few difficult situations to get to the good stuff, but we have to go with it. I feel like such a hypocrite when I say this, but I know its true. I know that I really have nothing to complain about, but as humans we all have a right to fess up to the fact that we have difficulties with fear and question. Even though our goal is to be in the moment, sometimes all we know to do is reject what is happening right now. The situations that weigh heavy on our hearts are obviously trying to teach us something about life, ourselves, and what to do next time. In more ways than one He is trying show me something, but I just don't get it yet. How are we supposed to be okay with the fact that sometimes we just aren't ready to get it?

Iggy News

So I thought I would give everyone an update on the Iggy the Iguana book! Things are starting to move forward, now that I have a little more time to dedicate to his majesty. I am working with my web designer on launching the site, but the temporary site will be up tomorrow.

Yes if you go to www.iggytheiguana.com you will see that beautiful pastel picture. What a lizard! If you want to check out Iggy's blog go to: http://web.mac.com/melissamwilliams/Site/Blog/Blog.html

Anyway, I can' wait because character illustrations will be on the way very soon. As for now, my job is to finish editing draft 8 and work on character bios for the site. In a week I will be giving a two hour presentation to a 4th grade class in Dallas about creative writing and my own experience in writing the Iggy story. In April I will be taking a trip to Houston to read to my best friend, August's, 4th grade class. So just to kick off my excitement I thought I would end with a picture of me when I was in 5th grade with the "real" Iggy the Iguana!

Yes, Iggy is wearing a light blue jean shirt to match my stellar blue jean outfit. Nice. I know. Cheers!

Reality Check

Today at church, a member of Watermark talked about his walk of faith revolving around the story of his own son who was diagnosed with Leukemia last year. I'm not a crier, but dear Lord, to hear this struggle definitely could turn a stone to water. I remember raising money for Leukemia research when training for that marathon a few years ago, but I didn't know anyone who had experienced such an illness. It really makes what seemed like a long, hard season of training and raising money feel so easy now, when you think about the test of endurance that little four year old boy and his family are going through every day.

I know I may be writing a downer of a blog, but lets face it, this is life people. I have been witnessing more and more little people going through life threatening things with their beloved families. It is a miracle that my friend's dear baby Coy is at home after three long months in the hospital. Some prayers are answered and some are not. It happens and we ask why. When my four year old cousin, Brittney, died of an unknown illness over twelve years ago I didn't understand. During times like these, if a person's faith is not grounded in Christ, you are in trouble. That was the whole point of the service today. I never really thought about it before, but Christianity is the only religion that offers comfort and hope to those in need.

God did not cause these things to happen to punish us, but He does admit that it will be hard to understand. God is there, for those in trouble, and we must go to Him in our hardest times. I never understood this while growing up. But what I do understand is that I can get fixated on things that don't go my way. I question God, and I wonder why I can't be in control. I get frustrated and a bit pissed to be frank. But wow, put me back into reality; I walked away feeling pretty silly about some of my current struggles today. I really have nothing to complain about, my life has been so blessed.

It is so important to be thankful for what you have right now, never growing envious of others. How dare we complain about what God has sent us. I never really thought about it as insulting God, but isn't that what we are doing? Regardless of the time, we must never grow weary in our faith or God's plan.

Let Him have It!

As a counselor and one who has received many hours of counseling, I have come to know the whole theory of letting go. I knew what this meant, but I never knew how to do it until I let God back into my life. I can dig and patch and weed around life with many great therapeutic techniques, but ultimately they will never stick...not for good...not with out a Savior. Now I know why I must have a spiritual component in my own practice one day. It is the finishing touch on the pie, or the "whole" for all you Gestalt lovers out there.

God completes the missing need. He is everything. He is the addiction that all addicts are searching for. He is the reason why we get to accept our old relationships as imperfect. He is the reason why we will never have to be the perfect child, daughter, sister, friend, wife, mother. He is the perfect parent who lets our parents off the hook for the one thing you just could never let go of. I realized my whole perfection disease was just a mirroring of feeling like I had to be the perfect daughter to parents who were trying to be the perfect parents for me. The cycle gets handed down generation to generation. God has the power to stop it. You finally get to give it up. Give it over to Him. This is what Christianity is all about. It is not about rules for all of those who believe it to be rule-based. It is not about hiding your faults and pretending to be someone you are not. It is not about saying twenty Hail Mary's when you have sinned. Christianity is all about Christ and your relationship with Him. Have you ever had a relationship with someone who you loved so much you wanted to care for them just because of who they were to you? That is what this relationship is all about. Love. God is love... among a million more. When you respect Jesus and how much God loves you, you want to respect yourself. You become more conscious of your life and your time on this earth. You ask Him what He wants you to do, instead of what you think you need to do. You want to live out God's plan for your life. He changes hearts. No, he does not make you perfect. Even though I am writing this, I know am by no means that way. I am a selfish, impatient, know-it-all, moody, controlling, self-centered, and the list goes on...child of God.

So yes it seems that I have gone of the topic of my title, yet again. What does all of this have to do with letting go. Well here it is and what I am about to say may be a shock to all of my therapist friends. You as a person can not let go of all that stuff you are holding onto in the therapy session. Nope, never. God is the only one who can take away your regret, punishment, hate, pain, and disappointment. We do not have the human capability to give it all away. Only God can do that.

Give it up. We can't do it all. We all need help. Especially me.

The Austin Motel

You've passed it, you've seen it, and you probably wondered what it was like inside. Well I am here to tell you what it is like inside the historic Austin Motel that never has open vacancy. Well, when I opened the door, it felt like there should be music to the movie of my life playing in the background. You know that feeling, when you have gotten yourself into one of those situations where you think you see yourself through the screen of a television. I like these situations. Actually, I take that back, love these situations. Yes, I took a job related trip to Austin, and yes I have friends that I am staying with tomorrow night and the next, but I just wanted to give the old motel a try.

So when I walked in, I had a flash back to being in one of my great grandmother's bedrooms in Gatesville Texas. You know that creepy room that seems like there should be some Helen Keller kind of story to go along with it? Why is there always a big brown chair in these kind of rooms? I checked out the closet, for skeletons of course. Don't worry it was empty. Then I turned on the wall heater, to take away the bone chilling feel of a room that hadn't been lived in for awhile. Interesting that this place is so popular. I hear the rooms are uniquely decorated. I guess I got one of the duds. The walls were kind of a lime-sage green. You know that color that grandmas use when sewing an easter dress for a rabbit? That color! Yeah, I'm going to sleep here tonight. Freakin sweet. Its a creepy, cold, rainy night too. I should put on a robe and go walking out in the rain with bare feet, a flashlight, and a plastic fork to really get the feel of this place.

Ok it really wasn't that big of a deal when I found out that this crazy place actually has free wireless. I just like to use my imagination. So I have been on the internet all night and listening to iTunes! Soundgarden. I am eating my dinner that I picked up at the best Whole Foods I have ever been to on 5th and Lamar. It is cold enough outside to keep my left overs in the car. You know this place does not have a mini bar frig or a coffee maker for that matter! Hmm, and to think I was going to cook my own oatmeal in the morning. Oh I love my life, no seriously this is really fun to me. I'm so weird.

So there it is! You all won't have to waste your $85. I experienced it all for you!

I Passed!

I am happy to report that I passed my NCE Board Exam! I want to thank everyone one for their prayers and thoughts; God completely took away my anxiety while I was taking the test. Driving to the test was a different story, but prayer really does work.

I don't think it has hit me that the thing that I have been going to school for is finally complete and I can move on with life! God has been so good and I can't wait to see what He has in store for me. For my dear friends who are getting closer to this point, just a word of encouragement...it really does come sooner that you think. The last semester of school seemed long, but after my exit exam, CCE, Graduation, and now the NCE...it just keeps coming faster and faster! My point, it is stressful while in the mitts of it all, but it is worth the endurance check!

The Living Word

Mark 11:24 "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

God continues to prove that the Bible is the living Word. I took this Bible verse off of Coy's blog site, from Ann Marie's post today! How ironic that the words I so desperately needed to hear today, were the same words that spoke to Ann Marie and her situation with her baby boy in the hospital. God really does know what we need.

I'll admit I have a few problems with anxiety! I've had anxiety ever since I was a kid, but I think at some point I became embarrassed about how anxious and hypersensitive I was to EVERYTHING and tried to suppress that part of my personality. Looking back I was pretty ridiculous...Everything made me nervous or upset. I couldn't stand to be away from my mom, everyone in elementary school thought I was a mute because of social anxiety, hyperventilating and passing out on the driveway when I lost the Eckerd coloring contest, and waking up to a brown paper bag over my mouth when I passed out before getting a shot at the doctor's office to just name a few of many. I was just having this conversation with a friend the other night...what a mess I was! Who am I fooling; I am just as tempered now as I was back then. Now here's the clincher, you can't deny your own temperament. I am just starting to realize this, and awareness has opened my eyes to my need for God and not some other defense mechanism to cover this faulty part of me.

Anyway, I was pretty high on anxiety all day as I did my last bit of studying for my licensing exam. I didn't know what to do with myself. If I don't pass this monster of a test, then I can't take it for another three months! My plans will be totally messed up if that happens. I love all of my encouraging friends and family, who keep telling me I will do great, I have been studying for months, I am focused, blah blah, blah...but if you have "impatient, second-guessing, test anxiety" you know how these things don't matter. It doesn't matter how much you study...you have test anxiety! One second I was studying, the next drinking coffee, lifting weights, taking a practice exam, eating lunch, going for a run, calling people, getting on the internet, listening to a study tape...till finally after a conversation with my mom and one tear falling, nope I held that one in, I realized I had to CHILL OUT!

While taking a bath, I heard God tell me something. "It is not me 'God' who wants you to fail this test" it is Satan. I was so worried and kept asking, "What if God's plan is to teach me the lesson that I am not in all control of when things will happen to me? What if failing this test will put my humility in check?" Then He set me straight; worry and fear do not come from God!

So as I was making my Salmon and rice for dinner, (in order to get enough Omega 3 & 6, otherwise known as "brainfood") I opened up Coy's website to see how he was progressing today. (P.S. Just in case you do not know who Coy is, you can find his inspirational sight on my blog.) That is when I realized that God is so great! After reading Mark 11:24 I realized all I had to do was believe that God is with me and I can hang up my anxiety on His coat rack...at least for those four hours. Well, my anxiety was completely taken away after praying with my Aunt Sharon for a good half-hour. I truly believe that God has a plan for each and everyone of us, and if we listen to Him and use what He has given to us to do His work, then His will is already done. Let the peace of God protect you from all fear and anxiety. If you do not yet know what I mean by this, please let me know and I will explain.

Let me end with a Bible verse my Aunt knew to pass my way. God speaks through her like no one else I know!


1 John 2:27 "But you have received the Holy Spirit, and he lives within you, so you don't need anyone to teach you what is true. For the Spirit teaches you everything you need to know, and what he teaches is true-it is not a lie. So just as he has taught you, remain in fellowship with Christ.

36 Hours Away

Every day I ask God, "So is this a sign, is this where I am supposed to be?" I do get excited about things really fast, but then I have to take time to step back and listen. It is interesting that this experience has taught me not to be afraid to try out new things or expect the unexpected. After my meet with Costin, I contacted the Licensing Department in California, so my question was quickly answered. California has not passed a bill for counselor licensure, which means that I am not running off to Malibu to start working. However, there is a bill in progress, so maybe one day!

Anyway, I do have all kind of plans underway for Austin, so that is looking a bit more promising. I am heading there this weekend for a few field meetings after I take my test. First things first though, I am about 36 hours away from my boards exam, so that is where my head should be. Present moment please! Please keep me in your prayers, because my anxiety level right now is enough to run, hmmm, a Half...ok ok its not that bad, maybe a 15K!